Using Self-Pleasure as a Way to Get to Know Yourself

Where's my vulva? There's my vulva!

Masturbation -- there, I said it! For some reason, people treat masturbating as if it's something to be shameful about. And let's face it, everyone does it, so why is it so taboo to talk about? Even married people masturbate. It's a great stress reliever and completely natural. Not to mention that it also releases tension, promotes better sleep quality, boosts your mood, and even relieves menstrual cramps. So how could something so right be wrong?

When it comes to the body, masturbation can be a delicious treat for one. The best thing you can do for yourself is find your pleasure zone. It's your time to be selfish, find what you like, and satisfy yourself. And it's guilt-free! All you've got to do is focus on yourself and what feels good. Don't be afraid to explore your body. Get lost until your G-spot is found!

My discovering started in my late teens. Masturbation for me was like an awakening, mentally and physically -- but not initially. I'd always been self-conscious about my body because I was tall, and I wasn't as thin as I wanted to be. So revealing my body to someone else wasn't an option, which meant sex wasn't either. However, I did grow curious about how an orgasm would feel, despite my insecurities.

My first time masturbating was a complete fail. I'd planned it all out. I waited until everyone was asleep and locked my door, turned the lights out, and began to touch on myself all over. Nothing could do it for me -- but looking back, it's because I had no clue who I was as a person. I was trying to find myself twice over.

Just like you have to study to pass a test, you have to learn your body to climax. This takes time and dedication. Here are some tips that can hopefully help expedite the process.

1. Get a mirror. Find a medium-sized mirror, lie on the bed, take off your panties, and get familiar with your lady parts. You'd be surprised at the number of people who have no idea what and how things work down there. This is what they didn't teach you in sex-ed class in middle school. Consider this a jump-start anatomy class. At the very top is the clitoris, where all the pleasure resides. This is not to be confused with the urethra where you urinate, which is underneath the clitoris. When the clitoris is effectively stimulated, a series of muscle contractions called an orgasm blissfully happens. Of course, we all know this, yet millions of us just can't quite make it to the finish line. Being comfortable is key -- and getting well acquainted with yourself is the first step to reaching the ultimate goal: pleasure.

2. Turn yourself on. Masturbation depends on what arouses you; It could be a sexual fantasy, porn, a crush, or a mood. Maybe it was the way somebody said something to you, a smell that aroused you, a memory that you can't get out of your head, or a certain demeanor that you found attractive. Whatever it takes to get your temperature heated, have fun, and let your inhibitions go -- because it's all about you. After all, if you can't turn you on, who else can? This is something I learned in college. My journey of identifying who I was started first with me learning to like who I saw in the mirror, and then finding attractive attributes that I loved about myself. By this time, I'd grown to appreciate my height and my thickness.

3. Spontaneity is free. The choice is yours, you need not an opinion or consideration from another human being. You don't always have to wait until you're at home in bed when it's late at night with the blinds drawn, because the best part is, there are no limitations. Just like sex with a partner, you can do it anywhere -- in the car, the shower, or wherever. You don't need an extra boost from someone. Going with the flow is free; double dare yourself to take a risk. It's all about pleasing yourself, so keeping things exciting and new can stimulate your brain and body. Remember you are running the race. Doing things out of your comfort zone can be challenging and exhilarating -- don't be afraid to shock yourself; most likely, you will thank yourself sooner than later.

4. Be open-minded. Masturbation isn't dependent solely on hands. In fact, a lot of people with vaginas can't climax from fingering themselves or rubbing their clitoris. Luckily, there's an amazing world full of goodies for your pleasure. Masturbating should be looked upon as a bonding of sorts with oneself. I mean really, who can truly satisfy you if you have no idea how to do so yourself? Don't be afraid to try out toys; they can be extremely enjoyable. The options are immense -- vibrators, dildos, bullets, clit stimulators, and the list goes on. And let me just say, a silver bullet changed my life! After trying and failing with my fingers, I finally reached the big O! But only because I tried something different. Think of masturbation as an experiment: You go in with a certain amount of knowledge, skeptical initially, and form a hypothesis, but you give it a fair shot and stay the course, making sure to experience all that it has to offer before making a decision. And finally, the conclusion should confirm and signify whether the experience is enjoyable enough to try again.

5. Love you. When it's all said and done, you should be second to none, especially to yourself. If you've taken nothing from this read, self-love is the overall premise. Taking care of yourself, learning to love the things you can't change, owning your body and its imperfections, and accepting all that you are. Masturbation is a form of appreciation; it's an act of love, and pleasure is the reward. It's about no one but yourself -- and getting to know what you do and don't like, so that when you are intimate with a partner you will be able to assist them if need be. Everything begins and ends with you. Master yourself, because nobody will ever love you as you love you.

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